Overcome betrayal, hurt and outrage. Stop the psychological warfare, minimise the effects of divorce and separation on children. Regain your integrity, self respect and confidence.

Read personal accounts of divorce.

Divorce: The other ending to the fairytale

Everyone has their ideal dream wedding. Big or small, intimate or public, there is the hope and expectation of the fairytale ending. But what about after the wedding, did you get to live the ‘happily ever after’?

It’s fair to say that you, like most people did not get married with the intention of getting divorced. You wanted the perfect wedding with the dream of the perfect life with your Mr or Mrs Right. But when the relationship breaks down what do you do?

Should I stay or should I go…

Infidelity, affairs, unfaithfulness, call it what you like, at the end of the day it leaves you feeling betrayed, abandoned, rejected and a raft of other overwhelming emotions. You feel like a fool, like you’ve been used, conned and deceived. You keep asking yourself the same questions, ‘Is my marriage a sham?’, ‘What other lies have I been told?’, ‘Why did you do it?’ Yet at the same time, you’ve been told it was a mistake, an error of judgement, ‘it meant nothing…’.

They say they are sorry and you really want to believe them, but whatever the reasons you can’t get over how you feel.

Confusion

- so many things in your relationship are right and you know it was a mistake, yet you cannot move on from this point.

How can you trust again? You believe that your relationship will never be the same, yet at the same time you really want it to be. You want to get over this, but you can’t and no matter how hard you try, you don’t see a way out. Part of you wants to leave – the hurt part wants to run and hide, to be as far away as possible. You can’t stand being in the same room, let alone have a civilised conversation.

Intimacy? Forget it – no chance! Another part of you wants revenge, to hurt them as much as they have hurt you. But this isn’t in your nature and it stresses you even more as you feel weak and vulnerable. The embarrassment and the shame of it is the worst part. Who else knows? Was I the last to know? Did my friends know? You don’t want to be the laughing stock and certainly you don’t want peoples pity; Poor you, such a shame, how are you coping? What are you going to do?

Regain the control you need to make a clear decision and turn your worst case scenario into the best possible outcome. Find out how by visiting ourconsulting website, orcontact ustoday to book your consultation.

Guilt... the strongest chain

Sometimes your thoughts just seem to gets in the way. Every day you make up your mind to go and every day you find reasons to stay. Often it is guilt; what will happen to them if I leave? How will they cope? Will they fall apart? Maybe they will harm themselves again? So many reasons to justify your staying, yet staying makes you miserable and unhappy.

You know you need to leave, but the guilt holds you back, every time, all the time. The relationship may be abusive, violent and threatening, yet you stay. The reasons may be many and they are always strong enough to keep you there. It’s as if your logic can’t win out when your emotions are so overpowering that you feel well and truly stuck.

Release yourself from the chains that keep holding you back from the life you want. Find out how by visiting ourconsulting website, orcontact ustoday to book your consultation.

The amicable divorce; the divorce without tears…

Divorce can be amicable. You can agree to go your separate ways, stay friends, share responsibility for the kids, deal with the finances, in fact have everything sorted out on a practical level and have it all under control. Yet at the same time you still feel the sense of failure and rejection, and a host of other feelings besides. So, you put on a brave face and carry on, after all a lot of other people’s divorces are far worse.

Sometimes hiding behind the mask robs you of your opportunity to recognise and deal with the emotional aspects of your divorce. When you don’t resolve your feelings, you run the risk of taking on beliefs about yourself and your ability to have a future successful relationship; ‘I’ll never remarry’, ’I’m better off single’, ‘I’m not going there again – once was more than enough!’ Beliefs that have a detrimental effect on your chances of ever having a happy and fulfilling relationship.

Take off the mask and free yourself. Find out how by visiting ourconsulting website, orcontact ustoday to book your consultation.

It’s not a divorce; it’s a fight to the bitter end…

Anything goes, after all this is war. It was their fault and now they are going to pay… Forget the vows, the love and cherish stuff, this is an all out battle and you’re going to win.

No matter what the price, you have to win. What price are you prepared to pay? Your sanity, your children’s sanity, your self respect, your integrity, your values and everything that you used to hold dear, do these now count for nothing? Not withstanding your physical health, your mental welfare, your emotional well being, is this how you imagined your marriage would end?

But of course, the ends justify the means, so any price is worth paying. Isn’t it?

So what if you do win, what happens then? Do you just carry on as before?

Find someone new and just assume that you can throw away your bitterness and resentment and just go back to being single, as if nothing ever happened? Or are you already on the rebound? It’s likely that somewhere along the line, your win will become a loss, that some part of you will be damaged.

So is it always about winning and losing? Is it possible for you to have a win-win situation, one where you don’t have to destroy each other, where you can try and resolve your issues in a more constructive manner? Do you have to lose your sanity over your divorce? Does it have to be this stressful and bitter? Is it possible to walk away without destroying those qualities in you that you hold precious? Do you have to embark on a journey of self destruction?

When your divorce reaches boiling point, turn off the heat and release the pressure. Take back CONTROL of your life and deal with the issues surrounding your divorce. Find out how by visiting ourconsulting website, orcontact ustoday to book your consultation.

Change your life today … Live, don’t just survive

At The Naked Gene Juggler, we believe that divorce does not have to be the heartache that it so often is.

You can find your way through divorce. Free yourself from embittered feelings. Live the life you want, free from these highly damaging negative thoughts, feelings and emotions and go on to live a happier life.

Take the opportunity to be the director of your own life

Find out how you can…

• Take the trauma out of the drama of your divorce

• Clear the fog of confusion and make decisions free from the tidal wave of negative thoughts and emotions

• Release the pressure cooker of outrage, betrayal, frustration, hurt and anger

• Keep and strengthen your self respect, integrity and self worth

• Free yourself from the shackles of guilt ridden choices. Stop the psychological warfare

• Minimise the “collateral damage” to your children, family and friends

Marks Story: The Part-time Dad Part 1

‘My family always believed in hard work and that’s the one thing they taught me. As far back as I can remember I’ve had a job of some kind and I loved working. I liked being successful and the lifestyle that went with it.

When I met my ex-wife I was doing really well. I had done all the bachelor things and I was ready to settle down into a different life. I was looking forward to it.

We seemed to want the same things out of life, we liked the same things (mostly!) and life was really good. The first couple of years of married life were great and we were thrilled when our eldest daughter came along, followed two years later by her little sister. Life was not without its ups and downs and the greater need for financial security meant that I had to work longer hours.

I remember the day she asked for a Divorce. If I have to be honest, I had sensed things weren’t quite right for a while – but I never realised it was so bad. I thought that maybe we could try and save our marriage, but she was adamant that there was nothing to save.

The day I moved out was quite literally the worst day of my life. I lost my home, my kids, my life, everything. I felt like I was being pushed out, that I had no choice, that I was powerless. I remember feeling so angry that I was boiling inside, but I couldn’t say or do any thing. I remember thinking to myself ‘I don’t get it – how did it get to this?’ All my hard work was to provide for a better life for all of us. Now all they wanted to do was kick me out of their life. But in all of that, the thing I couldn’t get my head around at all was the sheer spite of it. It’s like she had become a different person. I could not recognise her at all and that was the worst bit – that and losing my kids.

The next few months were hell. No one tells you how to start from scratch again. How do you cope with not seeing your kids? I hated not being there for them. Even when I was working late I would always try to be there at bedtime or failing that try and tell them a bedtime story over the phone. But then one day it’s all gone and life consists of ‘meals for one’, more empty space than you care to have and to top it all off, a fight for access to your kids.

The first few times I turned up at the house to pick up the kids were a nightmare. It just felt wrong. This was my home and now I had to knock and wait until she answered. It was tough being polite, but we agreed to at least be civil to each other in front of the kids. It went on like this for a little while, and then one day my eldest was not quite her normal self. Awkwardly she started talking about Mummy’s friend John who had been staying over at weekends and who was now staying over during the week. A Nice way to find out ... Just when you think you’ve got this divorce thing sussed out, something else comes along to smack you in the teeth. I couldn’t believe it. Here I am, just about picking up the pieces and she’s moved someone else in. He’s in my house, in my bed, trying to be ‘Daddy’ to my kids? How the hell are you supposed to handle that? Where’s the ‘Divorce for Dads’ handbook – the chapter on ‘101 Things you should have spotted but didn’t ‘. What are you supposed to do?

Over time I’ve managed to ‘strap it on’ - that process of swallowing your feelings and putting on the mask of civility. It takes a bit of time to get over each instalment of the divorce drama - the bit when they wanted to move abroad because ‘it’s better for everyone’ was the real shocker. But the one I can’t seem to get over is the fact that I don’t seem to have a say in the matter, the ‘justice’ of the law means that I am a second class citizen. My role as the father seems to have been relegated to that of financial provider only and because I’m a ‘good boy’ I get a few hours of access. Lucky me.

After the divorce I promised myself that I would not have another ‘proper relationship’. Anything more than a casual fling and I was out the door. The first time someone wanted something more serious I ran like hell, no phone calls, no contact, nothing. The second time she was younger and wanted to do the ‘family thing’. It was great for the ego, but I’ve been there, done that and I said no. Then I really fell for someone and it was a complete surprise. She was not my type - she kind of slipped under the radar. The thing was though; I didn't know what to do next. Go for it? Run? String her along for a while? I had no idea what to do'.

Helena’s Story: My lost son Part 1

We lost Stephen when he was four. It was an accident, just a fall and then he was gone. No one was to blame, it was no ones fault.The months that followed were indescribable and nothing or no one can prepare you for the sense of loss that you feel and the depths of depression into which you sink. It seemed that the first anniversary of Stephen’s death came around so fast, he was barely gone and then we were back at his graveside again, in pieces.

I know that many couples fall apart after the death of their child, but Stephen’s death brought Anthony and me closer together. It just seemed that our shared loss drew us closer to each other. We found our way, just don’t ask me how as I could not tell you, but somehow we did.

It was several months after the second anniversary of Stephen’s death that Anthony mentioned the subject of having another child. I remember when he told me, I literally wanted to slap his face – how could he even think about replacing Stephen? It caused such turmoil in me. It was as if he was asking me to forget my son. I was shaking, I was so angry; I remember thinking to myself that I could not go through that again, that I could not lose another child, it would kill me. I remember afterwards he tried to talk about it, tried to reason, but I remember withdrawing from him. From that point, everything was different, I just felt so distant from him, that in some way he had betrayed the memory of our son. I could not forgive him.

He said it was time to move on, that we were not forgetting Stephen, that we would always love him, never forget him, but that we should rebuild our family. But we had a family, one day it was there and the next it was gone and I could not just move on and forget. I felt that to move on would be somehow denying Stephens existence, forgetting that he ever lived. Anthony mentioned it a few times over the following months. Every time I would see the glimmer of hope in him, the hope that maybe this time I might have changed my mind. Every time I said no, every time I cried and told him to stop. I watched his hope fade and I could see the sense of loss in his face and it made me feel so awful. I felt so guilty, but I felt so angry as well. I still loved him, I still wanted him, yet it felt that he was asking the impossible. It just felt so cruel and every time he asked, it felt like some emotional piece of me was being ripped away.

After a while he stopped asking. We stopped talking about Stephen and we just seem to continue our lives on automatic. We were like those couples that people talk about – the ones with separate lives that meet for diner and sit watching the TV. It just felt so empty. We would barely talk at all and it felt as if we were on different planets. Our love life became non existent; in fact all loving contact just seemed to fade away. We used to be very demonstrative, but it all stopped.

People say that you know when your partner is having an affair that some ‘female instinct’ lets you know. I had felt that instinct for a few weeks that something was not quite right. One evening Anthony told me about a woman at work, a colleague with whom he had become friends, someone who seemed to ‘understand’ what he was going through. I expected him to tell me he was having an affair. I expected him to tell me he was leaving, that our marriage was over, that this was it; I knew what was coming. But that was not what he said at all.

What he did say was that he loved me so much and that what was breaking him apart was the fact that we were so distant. He hated the thought of not being together, but he could not go on without having a family. It was destroying him. He needed a child.

It just felt that suddenly it was all down to me. It felt like an ultimatum; family or divorce. I knew he loved me and I knew I loved him, but it felt like he was asking the impossible. I didn’t know what to do. I could not put myself through that again – I could not lose another child, but I didn’t want to lose Anthony either.

Ready to make a change?

To find out more and book your initial constulation, visit our consultancy sitetoday.